Granted, there’s a certain juvenile charm about his early roles, Happy Gilmore and Airheads are tolerable and I’d even go as far as to say I enjoyed The Wedding Singer. But why oh why does the man who inflicted the likes of Click and Spanglish on the world, seem to have carte blanche to churn out whatever self indulgent tripe he wants? As you might expect, Grown Ups is another prime example of such tripe.

I’m not claiming I would behave any differently. In fact, if I had comparable financial backing I’d do the same and take all my mates to a log cabin where they were forced to pretend that I was the coolest living man and I’d probably also pay Salma Hayek to kiss me. That is pretty much all there is to Grown Ups.

The plot focuses on five old friends reunited under tragic circumstances, the death of their high school basketball coach. In a confusing but ever so kind gesture Adam Sandler’s ‘Hollywood’ agent Lenny rents a log cabin for his friends and families. What follows is a ham fisted voyage of self discovery in which everyone else learns a number of significant life lessons including but not exclusive to; how good Adam Sandler is at basketball, how Adam Sandler is in no way responsible for his children being arseholes, how it’s OK to be a dick to your friends as long as they’re poorer than you and how Kevin James is fat.

More baffling than anything else however, is how the project attracted the likes of Salma Hayek (Frida), Maria Bello (Thank You for Smoking) and Maya Rudolph (Away We Go).

That these three women are expected to play wifey to the likes of Sandler, James and Chris Rock respectively seems ludicrous to me. Hayek and Bello have certainly paid their dues and whilst Rudolph’s movie career is arguably less established she has already proven herself worthy of substantially better parts. By the way, if you’ve always wanted to see Maria Bello breast feeding a bird that has been squashed by Kevin James (Who is fat by the way) this may be the movie for you.

If not then you’ll probably find that you agree with me when I say that for a comedy Grown Ups is decidedly unfunny. Despite a twenty strong cast there isn’t really a single likeable character amongst them, a fact that really tarnishes the ‘buddy’ sentiment the film is trying to promote. If alternatively you thought Rob Schneider was overlooked by the Academy for his role in Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo then this may just be for you.

This Bob-omb shell left me a little shook up. My diminutive friend’s opinion is usually bang on the money leaving me with a lose-lose situation. When watching Edgar Wright’s latest I’ll either be faced with the crushing disappointment of a film I’ve been looking forward to for a long time being a bit shit, or in the eyes of my good buddy I’ll be, “a wanker”.

Turns out it’s a little bit of both.

So what is the criteria for being ‘a wanker’. It’s definitely not the indisputable pleasure of onanism. Anybody that hasn’t known the blues of having to ‘love oneself’ is either a non-sexual freak or so good with the opposite sex that they are in fact ‘a wanker’. Wankerism, in the forms we’re talking about here, is defined by ‘coolness’ which in and of itself is, in a wonderfully Wittgenstein-ian way, impossible to define.

Arguably all human beings are wankers. It just depends what group you fall into. Here’s an easy, quick and completely free way of finding out.

Do you wear “funny” film reference t-shirts? Do you get overly excited about the latest release from some hero director you’ve promoted to Demi-God status? Do you realise you’re a bit of a wanker?
If you answered yes to all three, then you’re a geeky wanker.

Do you like things for about a month and then get bored of them? Do you have more than one haircut on your head? Do you think you’re not a wanker?
If you answered yes to all three, then you’re a hipster wanker.

Regardless of what type of wanker you are (and there are plenty more types) Scott Pilgrim doesn’t work. Many of ‘the haters’ (to use the parlance of our times) will blame Michael Cera. I don’t. I like the guy. I liked him in Arrested Development, Juno, and I’ve even got a soft spot for Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. Does he play the same character over and over again? Yes, is the simple answer but so did Humphrey Bogart and I don’t see anyone setting up www.IH8Bogie.org (perhaps because most internet savvy users have no idea who one of the greatest actors of all time is…the wankers). The argument does stand, however, that this could be the tipping point. It could be that he can no longer do faux-smug with the audience thinking, “Oh he’s too nice to be smug, the funny little pasty-faced loser”.

Witness the opening scene where he brags about his 17 year old Chinese girlfriend and you’re completely with his ex when she says “If your life had a face I’d punch it”. For over 3/4 of the film Scott is an unsympathetic asshole. Perhaps now, at the ripe old age of 22, Cera’s success has made him dislikeable, unsympathetic. Or maybe it’s the poorly written character.

The cliché of “sympathetic hero overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles” (the definition of pretty much every mainstream movie ever made) does need to be subverted to keep film fresh, but the fact that Scott, as a character, is so devoid of any sympathy makes Scott, as a film, a genuine struggle.

Tim (Spaced) and Shaun (of the Dead) were both, like Scott, slightly whiny, self obsessed men-children but the difference was they were injected with a modicum of sympathy. It’s this sympathy that made you want them to “Wake the fuck up!” because you did genuinely want them to wake the fuck up. Because Mr. Pilgrim (that’s a wankery name too) spends so much time in dream/fantasy-land if he did “Wake the fuck up” the film would be over. The mark of fine cinema is the audience should never want the film to be over.

To compare Scott Pilgrim Vs The World to Spaced, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz would seem a little unfair. It’s a bigger, all together more American affair. And it has to be with an estimated budget of $60,000,000. But the audience is still the same. That you couldn’t find a poor line amongst the former Wright stuff may have been down to Simon Pegg’s (and in the beginning Jessica Stevenson’s) ability to rip out lines that don’t work, yet even the most cursory of glances at the script would telegraph the message that “I’m in Lesbians with you” is a poor sit-com, set-up and pay-off. Not worthy of a deleted scene from the Spaced inevitable 15 year anniversary box set. That a ‘geeky wanker’ like me will buy.

So does the film attack or worship the hipsters, the fickle, the fashion chasers, the absolute bell-ends like the guy who attended the screening I went to last night in a green vest top and a pork pie hat, even though it was raining outside. The ‘end of level’ last evil ex is exactly the kind of ‘hipster wanker’ Scott Pilgrim is supposed to be against. It’s the geek vs the cool. It’s the loser vs. the big-shot. It’s us vs. them. Isn’t it?

Sadly no. If you worship at the feet of Scott you’re more likely one of them, than one of us. Too self-obsessed to see beyond yourself, too smug, too self-satisfied to realise you’re a wanker. With such fuzzy lines and poor character development, Scott Pilgrim, wonderful visuals aside, is exactly the kind of film people will jump on for its coolness, not its heart.

If you’re a ‘geeky wanker’ like me, it’s gotta be about the heart.

Debates of what constitute a ‘film’ rather than a ‘movie’ (basically anything that a pretentious wanker like me can stroke their oversized beard too) and action (over 13% of the running time must feature gunny bits, stabby bits or explodey bits) could run for days but instead let’s just got on with the list that in no way denigrates the awesomeness of Die Hard, Terminator, The Bourne Films, Indy, etc. These are just my pick of action films with a little more…

Action with a little more…Originality
Seven Samurai (1954)
Everybody steals from everybody, that’s Hollywood. To prove my point that line is stolen from Swingers. They probably stole it from someone else. To say that Akira Kurosawa was the sole source of all originality would be a big fat lie, but when it came to painting the blueprint for action his hands were awash with the same colour as my naughty mind. Huge amounts of Kurosawa could be included in this list (Hidden Fortress, Ran, Throne of Blood) but if one needs to be picked then it’s the MacDaddy of all action films, Seven Samurai. Not only has it been directly remade over seven times, most famously as The Magnificent Seven, but it’s also been massively influential to everything from Star Wars to A Bug’s Life.

Action with a little more…Beauty
Hard Boiled (1992)
Anybody who sits watching Strictly Come Dancing every Saturday banging on about how beautiful the twirls are should be forced, preferably at twin-gunpont, to watch John Woo’s Hard Boiled. Proof if proof were needed that violence can be as gorgeous as a sunset bathed in kittens. The choreography on display in such set pieces as the Hospital Shoot-out (see below) don’t require my bland descriptions. In any case action speaks louder than words.

Action with a little more…Heart
Leon (1994)
Dancing perilously close to missing out on the list due to it only having 12.7% action, I’m gonna round the figure up to an even 13% thus cementing Leon as the action film with the most heart. I’ve done this for many reasons but the main one is, Leon is the film that got me into film. It’s funny, it’s dramatic, it’s stylish, it’s cool, it’s even dare I say it, incredibly romantic. The Nabakov-lite relationship between Jean Reno’s 40 year-old hitman and Natalie Portman, his 12 year-old neighbour, is purposefully uncomfortable but also touchingly poignant. As director Luc Besson said at the time, “I was interested in talking about pure love. Society today confuses love and sex…that is why I chose to talk about two twelve-year-olds, even though one of them is 40″.

Action with a little more…Brain
Inception
For many reasons I feel slightly discombobulated adding Inception to this list. Firstly it’s only been out a few weeks and any ‘list’ compiled by anyone, anywhere, will feel my wrath for including anything on it post The Spice Girls. Even lists of who’s your favourite Spice Girl. I’m sure this inclusion will also warrant more “Get your head out of Nolan’s arse” feedback but quite simply for ‘Action with a Brain’, Inception takes the prize. You could easily argue the genre more fitting for the mind-bending epic is Sci-Fi but from the off Inception plays like a Bond film with an I added to the Q. As great as the action is, and as great a mindfuck as the story is, it’s the two together that make Inception so fundamentally awesome.

Debate away below. And as well as the usual healthy doses of undiluted love and vitriolic hate let’s all come together to try and figure out “The Action Film with a little more…Humour”. Because I couldn’t.

Before I go on it would be remiss of me to not broach the elephant in the room. Yes, this is very blatantly an attempt to capitalise on the market space previously occupied by last years (500) Days of Summer. I would even go as far as to say that the film may have been tweaked in post production to give it a more ‘summery’ feel. Resultantly the film is likely to have less of an impact than it’s predecessor and it’s unlikely to be quite so universally accepted by all your trendy mates. Once you acknowledge and accept that this kind of behaviour is standard practice in Hollywood you will no doubt be free to relax and enjoy the movie.

As with the aforementioned Marc Webb flick Going the Distance is self consciously cool its script littered with references to movies, music and vintage arcade games. As you’d expect the assembled soundtrack is probably even more likely to please hipsters than the movie itself. A blend of classic pop, (The Pretenders, The Cure) and Indie soundtrack stalwarts (Cat Power, Eels, Albert Hammond Jr) the tracks merge with a subtle upbeat score composed by Mychael Danna who also just happened to work on… you guessed it (500) Days of Summer.

Whilst the film will not earn Barrymore praise on a par with her Emmy nominated turn in Grey Gardens or her directorial debut Whip It, she does once again prove to be one of the most likeable leading ladies in Hollywood.

Justin Long is slowly making the transition from weedy supporting boy to bona fide leading man. He may not quite have the chops of a Joseph Gordon Levitt yet but on this evidence he at least appears to be on his way. The focus, as you’d expect is very much on the chemistry between Barrymore and Long. There’s some good support from the likes of Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day and Christina Applegate, plus cameos from funny folk Rob Wriggle, Kristen Schaal and Ron Livingston all of whom add to the intimate feel of the picture.

All of this adds up to the fact that this is not a bad little movie. Whilst it’s nothing particularly new it manages to surprise by avoiding (just) the trappings that have befallen many, many a ‘rom-com’. Whilst the cool kids will no doubt find reason to scoff I’m gonna take a leap and confess. Against all odds, I really liked this movie and the fact that I felt the pangs of loneliness creeping into my heart as I watched the film completely alone means it may just prove to be a quality date move.

Watch the trailer with an open mind here.

In true old school style we open with our men on a mission. Led by Stallone and ably supported by his band of merry men (Li, Statham, Crews, Couture and Lundgren) we find out, pretty quickly, that these ‘ultimate killing machine mercenary types’ are the ‘morally sound killing machine mercenary types’. When the unhinged Dolph tries to hang a Pirate (yes really), the rest step in and show that their hearts are also big muscles. This rapid set up tells us pretty much all we need to know as Stallone seeks his next job. Offered by a certain John McClane, turned down by a certain T-1000.

So that scene. Stallone, Willis, Schwarzenegger together for the first time since they tried to sell the world meat patties in buns surrounded by pictures of themselves. There’s no doubting it, any movie fan will be jumping for glee to hear the three trading insults and flexing metaphorical guns. It may well prove to be one of the highlights of 2010 but at the same time it really is blink and you’ll miss it. The heavy lifting returning once more to Stall and Stath.

And why not? Our very own Jason Statham has definitely been the man of the 00′s in terms of balls out action and Stallone has proven himself time and time again, despite his almost indecipherable tongue, as the man to go to for blood, guts and ‘sly’ political subtext. Yes, look below the surface of many Sly films and there is always a sneaky little ‘tut tut’ to the American Foreign Policy. On the surface the baddies may be Cuba-esque dictators but behind them it’s money grabbing Yanks whose inquisition methods include Cheney fave, Waterboarding.

As well as the subtle ‘messaging’ the film takes a further elevation in class with the inclusion of one Mickey Rourke. Left out of the action, Mick instead brings an air of quality in monologuing and advice as a sort of Yoda for The Expendables. But let’s not get carried away, The Expendables is at heart a silly, fun, more than enjoyable slice of Saturday night fun. The kind of film where Jason Statham sits in the nose of a plane machine gunning a jettee to pieces on a whim.

Before I go I should also mention, for your consideration, the cast includes Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and latterly Angel, the spin off series that was set in L.A.

Sadly the people in Hollywood didn’t realise because the wave of nostalgia flooding through the projectors for that most decadent of decades is enough to make MC Hammer choke on his parachute pants. The A-Team, Karate Kid, Expendables, Predators, Hot Tub Time Machine, Pirahna, every single one churned out like a Soda Stream with no consideration of whether anybody wanted any of it.

The box office would back up this argument. The A-Team tanked (no pun intended), Hot Tub wasn’t anywhere near the sleeper hit MGM hoped for (incidentally massively promoting a film that you hope will be a ‘sleeper’ hit negates said title) and Predators barely lasted two weeks in cinemas this side of the Atlantic.

While The Karate Kid re-make admittedly has managed to be something of a hit for Columbia (and in turn be a none too shabby little film in it’s own right), everything about it screams 2010. Modern soundtrack, hip young star, China/US politics. Not a single reference to anything circa the mid-80′s.

The thing that sucks the most about this influx of 80′s films is just how cynical every one of them is. Every film is designed for the sole purpose of cashing in. “Wait!” I hear you cry, “All films are designed to make money!” Well, yes of course they are, but there’s usually the smallest modicum of artistry to most film-making. Every film listed above has, like the decade that instigated them, only the bottom line in mind.

This weekend sees the ultimate 80′s action heroes unite in The Expendables, a film studios hope will play the ‘so bad it’s good’ card to attract audiences. This worrying trend for making crap films in the hope they’ll have some kitsch value is as 80′s a concept as you can get. For evidence of this not really paying off in recent times look no further than 2006′s Snakes On A Plane or 2010′s MegaShark Vs Giant Octopus. Yet, somehow, we’re only weeks away from Pirahna 3-D.

Thankfully one welcome addition to the cinematic calender is bathed in the 80′s. Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps sees the return of Gordon Gecko a posterchild for everything downright shitty and opportunistic about the Maggie and Reagan years. Maybe, just maybe, Oliver Stone’s sequel will once again open people’s eyes to why the 80′s sucks. Greed and nothing more.

That and people overly using the word ‘sucks’.

Directed by the equally hit and miss James Mangold (Walk the Line, Kate and Leopold) Knight and Day pairs Cruise with Cameron Diaz for an action comedy that’s neither explosive nor funny. After a chance meeting at an airport Diaz’s mechanic Julie is thrust into the chaotic and dangerous world of Roy Miller (Cruise), a renegade spy with a slightly skewed moral compass. As the pair globe trot in an attempt to evade Peter Sarsgaard’s unenthused FBI goon ‘Fitzgerald’ they form a bond, which then breaks, but is then reformed, only to break again, but it’s fine cos’ it reforms, before it breaks again but then it’s all fine cos’ they bond again.

What’s confusing about the movie is that it fails to total the sum of its parts. With the likes of Copland, Girl, Interrupted and Walk the Line, Mangold has proven that he’s handy with a megaphone. Diaz has been both funnier and more likeable in numerous movies and supporting players Sarsgaard and Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood) have both been significantly better than they are here.

The film itself feels like a genre riffing amalgam of five or six below average movies squashed together to make yet another below average movie. The action, whilst sleek and seamless is old hat and no different to what you will have already seen in numerous actioners. All in all the film comes across as lazy, a fact compounded by some bizarre blackout sequences where huge chunks of what may have been engaging action are repeatedly skipped over for what I can only assume is supposed to be comedic effect. 

Surprisingly, the one or two smirks I did muster were the result of Cruise’s unbalanced agent and his relaxed attitude to life and death situations. However, the joke quickly becomes tired and if I’m honest he never takes the gag far enough for a proper belly laugh. With Mel Gibson monopolising Hollywood’s quota of crazy Cruise has been able to go about his scientologing relatively unnoticed of late but if ‘Roy Miller’ was ever going to be more than an archetype Cruise really needed to layer on the bat shit with a spade.

In pitch alone the film echoes The Bourne Identity but that’s where the comparison ends. All the raw intensity of Bourne is absent and anything resembling a quality performance is lost amidst a ramshackle story stuck together with bubblegum. Whilst the film does very little to offend it does very little of anything. Even now, less than twenty four hours after watching it I can’t really remember how the film ends and that is fundamentally all you need to know.

5) The first picture from Cowboys and Aliens!
Whilst Scott Mitchell Rosenberg’s graphic novel series retains a relatively cult status for now, chances are, when the film adaptation is released this time next year copies of the genre bending romp will be flying off the shelves. The man in charge of further lining Rosenberg’s pockets is none other than John Favreau, the man who made Iron Man into a phenomenon. Whilst initially rumoured to be another project for The Fav and his go to guy Robert Downey Jr, scheduling issues forced Fav to look further from home, finally settling on none other than Daniel Craig for the lead.

Although only a single image it does typify the novel astutely. A Stetson and a futuristic hand laser gizmo may seem an odd concoction but clearly it works and the same can be said for the entire concept. When Aliens land in 1800’s frontier land, feuding Cowboys and Apaches are forced to unite to save humanity. I can think of no one better suited to helm such a bonkers concept than The Fav and with Lost’s Damon Lindelof on script duties we can expect a perfect blend of wit and weird. If the solitary picture does have a failing it’s that it fails to articulate the truly impressive ensemble cast who will be lending their thespian talents to the pulp wonder. Backing up Craig will be Olivia Wilde (House), Walton Goggins (Justified), Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, Keith Carradine and Harrison “It’s about time I made a decent movie” Ford. Could be next years District 9.

4)New Tron Legacy Trailer!
Whilst I would never admit it aloud the first Tron Legacy trailer felt like a bit of a letdown. Whilst aged ten, light cycles and space paranoids were enough to keep my nose pressed to the screen and my jaw rested firmly on the floor, the older, more cynical me felt the whole thing seemed a little… shallow. That was of course until Joseph Kosinski unveiled the new, more comprehensive trailer. With more of an actual narrative on show and no sign of Sark or the MCP the trailer seems to hint at the unlikeliest of villains (as opposed to simply Michael Sheen’s Castor).

On top of all this the special effects appear slicker and more polished, especially the digitally de-aged Jeff Bridges. It would appear that Disney’s decision to shift a portion of the effects load over to their computer whiz chums at Pixar has paid off in a big way!

3) Harvey Pekar does Strange Tales!
Like a lot of comic book enthusiasts the Summer sun was darkened by the sad news of the death of indie comic king Harvey Pekar who passed away on the twelth of July. Pekar, the guy who’d already defeated Lymphoma back in the 90’s, documenting it in the hilariously acerbic Our Cancer Year graphic novel was some what of a bitter hero of mine and the thought of a world devoid of Pekar’s cynical musings caused me to reach for my American Splendour Best of. To my pleasant surprise solice came a few weeks later from an unlikely source. In one of their smaller Comic Con announcements Marvel announced a follow up to the popular ‘Strange Tales’ comics. For those of you staring blankly at the computer screen right now the ‘Strange Tales’ mini-series was released last year and featured stories and art work by acclaimed indie artists the world over.

Notable by his absence of course was Pekar. I can only imagine then the roar that went up when it was announced that Pekar had completed an instalment and would be joining the likes of Jeff Lemire, Alex Robinson and Ty Templeton in the follow up due for release in October of this year.

2) The Walking Dead trailer!
Something I’ve been following closely since its recent confirmation is the television adaptation of Robert Kirkman’s hugely popular zombie comic The Walking Dead. Whilst I always thought that the comics would be ripe for a live action adaptation, I assumed the diehard (pun intended) fans would be displeased by anything less than extraordinary. Ever since the announcement that Oscar nominee Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) this project has been gathering pace. With our own Andrew Lincoln cast as the eponymous Rick Grimes things seemed to be moving in the right direction ahead of the show’s October opening. That having been said I, like many was wholly unprepared for what was shown in the AMC hall.

Whilst the quality of the video itself is sketchy the trailer oozes quality like brains from the mouth of a drooling zombie. The substantial trailer implies that Darabont and co have drawn on the best of recent Zombie movies and amalgamated them into what could prove to be a cohesive and compelling show.

1) The Avengers team up!
Even if you were unaware that SDCC 2010 had taken place chances are you would still have/seen slash heard murmurings about my number one pick. Whilst it would appear that Marvel Studios have difficulty keeping secrets, (The addition of Jeremy Renner and Mark Ruffalo to the cast and Joss Whedon’s director role had been fuel for message boards the world over), they clearly still know how to get people’s pulses racing. Just as things seemed to be quietening down after some modest announcements pertaining to next year’s Thor and Captain America movies the audience were pleased to see none other than Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury) take to the stage.

Although I’d be excited to hear him read off of a menu what followed was even more awesome than that. One by one Jackson oh so coolly introduced those lucky few who have been tasked with bringing some of Marvel’s most beloved characters to life. Starting with the excellent Clark Gregg (Agent Caulson) Jackson introduced all the confirmed Avengers including new boys Mark Ruffalo (Bruce Banner lll) and Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye). Whilst the biggest cheer may have been for the ‘Stark-like’ Robert Downey Jr, it fell to Iron Man himself to finally confirm Joss Whedon as the chosen director. As I said before, none of this would really have come as news to those fans present but to see the likes of Chris Helmsworth and Chris Evans finally lined up side by side was more than enough to take the hype to a new level.

Some of you may not know what the UKFC does. Some of you may know but not care. Some will be glad to see the back of, what some considered, an overly bureaucratic way of making movies. Some will already know and care deeply enough to have joined the Save The UKFC site) and filled in the petition.

For those that do not know, I’ll try to explain. For those that don’t care, I’ll try and persuade you that you should. For those glad it’s gone, maybe I can flip your opinion. For those signed up, well I’m preaching to the choir. But I do like to preach.

The UKFC was set up in the year 2000 to help develop and promote the film industry in the UK. “What film industry?” I hear the naysayers cry, but in ten years the UK Film Council has funded films as diverse as, Adulthood, Bend it like Beckham, Bright Star, The Constant Gardener, Fish Tank, Gosford Park, Happy-Go-Lucky, In the Loop, The Last King of Scotland, Man on Wire, Nowhere Boy, Red Road, St Trinian’s, This is England, Touching the Void, Vera Drake and The Wind That Shakes the Barley. Sure you don’t like them all, but I bet that at least one of these films has moved you in some way.

Then there’s the strange business decision of removing what is essentially a small business model that works and creates jobs. Check out the ‘notes to the editor’ section of the UKFC’s own site to show how the figures stack up. It made a staggering return of £5 on every £1 of lottery funding. Since 2001, UK films now account for 23% of the UK Box office, up an unbelievable 92%. Were figures like this just not available to the Department for Culture, Media and Sport before they decided to demolish it?

I’ve been reluctant to make this a political piece, (the UKFC was founded under Labour, removed under the ConLib coalition) but I think it’s only fair to lay some facts to back up my case. It would be easy to look to today’s announcement of £20,000,000,000 being spent on the replacement of a nuclear deterrent (is not being friends with America a deterrent enough?) and compare it to the paltry £15,000,000 a year that it costs to run the UKFC, responsible for literally thousands of jobs being created every time a film is green-lit. This argument will only open a few billion cans of worms so instead I’ll choose an easier, much clearer example of the strange nature and thoughtless immediacy of the decision to close a working, job creating part of Government funding.

On the day that the decision was announced that the UK would no longer have an arm devoted to developing and promoting it’s burgeoning movie industry, Vince Cable, the business secretary, was asked what was being done about the banks. (You remember the banks that were bailed out by our money, because rich people decided to gamble too much). In an interview where clarity was as abundant as hair on his head VC spoke of “sending clear signals” and “having business like discussions” with the banks. For an antonym of perspicuity look no further than his use of the word ‘could’ on several occasions.

But there was no ‘could’ for the UKFC. There were no discussions. Just one clear signal that in 2012 there will be no body of support for UK films. I for one, think this is a crying shame.

It’s also being scored by Nine Inch Nail‘s Trent Reznor and the trailer (which you can click on and watch above) features a Scala reworking of ‘Creep’ by Radiohead. Instead of tiredly listing rubbish wordplay based on Facebook vernacular, i.e. Owen ‘likes’ new Fincher movie, updating status to ‘chuffing excited’ or I’d like to ‘poke’ Justin Timberlake in the eye with something sharp, instead let’s use this as an excuse to look back on Radiohead’s back catalogue, as featured on the silver screen.

Clueless
Not the first inclusion of Oxford’s Finest on celluloid, that honour goes to 90′s angst affair S.F.W.. So angst ridden was S.F.W. it actually stood for So, Fucking, What, years before text speak became the most common language in Britain. The song, unsurprsingly, was ‘Creep’. The much less angsty and much more popular Alicia Silverstone vehicle, Clueless, featured a stripped down acoustic ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ and a healthy dose of ‘My Iron Lung’. Shame Alicia never uttered the line, “Ed O’Brian is such a Baldwin” though. He really is.

Romeo + Juliet
Anybody who witnessed Radiohead’s blistering Glastonbury 2003 set will only need one sentence to bring memories flooding back; “This is for the people in the tents…” Cue opening bars of ‘Talk Show Host’ and crowd hysteria. Originally a B-side on ‘Street Spirit’ (potential desert island 7″ right there) it was remixed by Nellee Hooper for Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo + Juliet cementing it as a ‘Head fan favourite. ‘Exit Music (For A Film)’ on the other hand was purposefully written for the star-crossed lovers. In arguments over the “depressive nature” of the band’s material, ‘Exit Music’ isn’t the best choice for the against point-of-view. Just ask Father Ted.

Vanilla Sky
Hands up who has, as some point in their life, used ‘Everything In It’s Right Place’ to wake them up in the morning a la Tom Cruise’s character in Vanilla Sky. Put your other hand up if you’ve continued to do it for the past 8 or so years (this is going to be tricky to type with just my nose…). A wonderful mix of character and atmosphere, the ‘Kid A’ opener will make you love the first few minutes of Cameron Crowe’s remake. Whether or not you’ll reach the mid-section of the movie and the use of ‘I Might Be Wrong’ depends on your tolerance of all things Cruise.

There Will Be Blood
When the Academy Awards sits on its deathbed looking back on its egregious mistakes, one error will stand out head and shoulders above the others. Forrest Gump. Slightly lower down the list, but still worthy of a regretful death rattling sigh will be their exclusion of Jonny Greenwoods incredible score for There Will Be Blood. Deemed ineligible for a nomination due to it not being fully written for said film, the Oscars should have thrown the rulebook into the Gulf Of Mexico (or somewhere equally oily like the cast of Jersey Shore‘s hair). That the opening 20 minutes of this epic is so painfully tense without a single word of dialogue uttered, is due in no small part to the Radiohead’s guitarist.

Twilight
Say what you will about the Twilight sag (sic) they do compile a pretty neat playlist. Dead Meadow, Muse, Grizzly Bear, even some Schubert. Unless he’s some sparkly vamp the latter probably didn’t give his permission though, what with him being almost 200 years dead. A man that did very much give his blessing to his music being used is one Thom Yorke. After ’15 Step’ being used as the exit music for the first Twilight he even went to the trouble of penning a ditty, ‘Hearing Damage’, completely for the sequel, New Moon. As unimpressed as many fanboys were, fuck it, at least its a new Thom Yorke song. Hurrah!

While it’s always fun to see the time honoured rant of ‘but you missed out Children Of Men, Choke, The Prestige, Whip It, Harry Potter, A Scanner Darkly, etc’ let’s instead open up the dialogue below to figuring out a percentage of ‘How Much Better Is A Film If Radiohead Feature On The Soundtrack?’… I’m gonna start the biddding at 27%