And quite frankly we couldn’t be back for a better year. 2012 may not provide the culmination of all human history but if it did, and as long as the big movies of the year live up to expectation, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Prometheus, The Amazing Spider-man, The Hobbit, The Avengers, The Dark Knight and that’s just the multiplex nomming blockbusters.

Elsewhere we’ll have new Coens (Gambit), new Pixar (Brave), Cameron Crowe’s latest (We Bought A Zoo), hopefully some more Charlie Kaufman and a film based on an internet meme about a time-travelling nutjob. If that’s a success then it won’t be long before Missing Missy makes the bigscreen. To start the year you also get The Muppets. Which I’ve seen and can confirm is as heart-tuggingly lovely as a furry, felt aorta massage.

But right now, It’s all about one thing…Batman! Enjoy the latest trailer below. Just don’t think about the half a year you have to survive before you get to see the damn thing.

As it’s been a while since I’ve geeked out in public and written something entirely speculative and unfounded I thought I’d indulge myself by attempting to answer the question; can the new Spider-man be better than the last?

For want of a better place to start let’s begin by looking at the man behind the curtain, the director.

Marc Webb vs Sam Raimi
Regardless of how you feel about the existing Spider-man trilogy you would have been hard pressed to find a director better suited than Sam Raimi to finally bring the web slinger to the big screen. A lifelong ‘Spidey’ fan, Raimi succeeded where many, including Jim Cameron had failed. Though Sony were tentative about the appointment, Raimi’s back catalogue of pop-schlock pictures like Evil Dead and Darkman, coupled with his handling of the star laden ensemble pick The Gift proved enough to win him the gig. Sony’s faith was repaid by a billion dollar trilogy but unfortunately the mutually beneficial relationship didn’t last as Raimi came to blows with the studio in the early stages of Spider-man 4. Word on the (inter)web was that Raimi’s own fandom, a trait which initially earned him the gig, may have become a thorn in Sony’s side. Rumour has it that the biggest sticking point in the development of the fourth instalment was that of which character would throw down against the wall crawler. Raimi had been lobbying for ‘The Vulture’ since the second film however, Sony were unmoved by the thought of a bald old man with big green wings.
Instead the studio were more interested in pitting Peter Parker against the more extravagant (read more CGI) foe ‘The Lizard’. Whilst it’s understandable that Raimi would want to steer clear of another potential computer generated travesty, Dr Curt Connors had featured in the previous two films so his evolution into full blown nemesis would probably have felt more organic. With time passing and Tobey Maguire not getting any younger Sony’s eventual solution was to cut Raimi loose and order a complete reboot of the franchise.
In Marc Webb, Sony has appointed a director who has openly admitted that he is relatively new to the world of Spider-man.

It’s hard to say whether this is a deliberate reaction by the studio to Raimi’s more personal involvement with the source material. Either way it would appear that the execs have finally got their way with ‘The Lizard’ being all but confirmed as the villain of the piece. Whilst Webb’s connection to the source material may well be in its infancy he will be ably assisted by franchise vet, producer Laura Ziskin. And, let us not forget, Bryan Singer had never even picked up a comic when he signed on to bring X-men to the big screen. All this leads me to the conclusion that despite Raimi’s fan-boy knowledge, Webb’s objectivity may allow him to create a movie which appeals to an even broader audience.

Andrew Garfield vs Tobey Maguire
Tobey Maguire’s portrayal of radioactive super-nerd Peter Parker was, in my opinion, the franchises greatest strength. Maguire had been making a name for himself in acclaimed dramas like The Ice Storm, Wonderboys and The Cider House Rules so to be cast in an adaptation of a comic book seemed, at the time to be an unusual career move. Of course, these days, ‘serious’ actors are falling over themselves to don the spandex. Despite being twenty seven years old when the first movie was released Maguire had no trouble convincing audiences of he was a socially inept teen. Although some found the quaint ‘comic book’ humour of the films jarring in comparison to the more serious, cerebral adaptations (Hulk, Batman Begins), Maguire showed a comedic flair which he pitched perfectly for the role.
Despite his youthful complexion, and Sony’s suggestion that the new franchise would focus on a younger Parker, Andrew Garfield will in fact be a year older than Maguire when the film is released in 2012. Like his predecessor Garfield has also been on the receiving end of rave reviews for his dramatic roles in the likes of Boy A, The Social Network and the forth coming Never Let Me Go. However, the lack of any real comedic roles, coupled with the sombre looking photo seen above may be a clue into the tone of Webb’s vision. Garfield’s gift for the gritty will stand him in good stead should this new trilogy take a turn for the dark but there is no question he has big red and blue shoes to fill. Maguire may prove to have a more astute sense of comic timing but until there’s every possibility Garfield won’t need it.

Emma Stone vs Kirsten Dunst

This category is slightly skewed in the sense that the respective love interests are actually filled by two different characters. Dunst appeared opposite Maguire as quintessential girl next door Mary Jane Watson where as flavour of the month, Emma Stone is cast in the role of Gwen Stacey, a character who cropped up in the third film looking a lot like Bryce Dallas Howard. For me, Kirsten Dunst was the original trilogies weak link; hampered by Raimi’s inability to effectively execute female characters. Stone on the other hand has proven herself to be a popular combination of hubris and humour. Ever expanding roles in the likes of Superbad, Zombieland and Easy A may mean that Gwen Stacey may prove to be a change of tack and hair colour for Stone;

Webb’s work on (500) Days of Summer proves that he may have more insight than Raimi into the female of the species and those of you familiar with Stacey’s comic book arc will no doubt acknowledge that she is a far more interesting prospect than the rather two dimensional girl next door. So whilst it could be said that Emma Stone is in a much more promising position than Dunst ever was her recent performances would suggest that she certainly has the wit and panache to go toe to toe with Garfield’s Parker given the chance. Unlike Dunst, Stone appears perfectly cast for what seems, on paper at least, to be a much better role.

Rhys Ifans vs Willem Defoe

Another advantage that Webb has over Sam Raimi is that the honchos at Sony are almost certainly plotting this as a trilogy. Raimi on the other hand was forced to show his hand early, pitting Spidey against his arch nemesis, The Green Goblin in the first movie. With no casting announcements regarding either a ‘Norman’ or a ‘Harry Osborne’ Potentially, Webb can work towards an epic showdown and avoid peaking too soon. With Rhys Ifans cast as Dr Curt Connors the strong rumour is that Spidey will throw down with one of his more bestial foes ‘The Lizard’.

I know what you’re thinking; doesn’t this mean that Webb has simply bowed to studio pressure, relinquishing the creative control that Sam Raimi fought so hard to keep? Maybe, but then again maybe not. The Lizard would appear to be a logical first villain. As well as their alliterative names, Peter Parker and Curt Connors have lots in common, something which will allow Webb to play with the emotions and from the looks of the first official photo it’s not just Parker’s heart strings, The Lizard will be tugging on. The sheer animal brutality of The Lizard would be ideally suited to a darker, more violent outing and the Jekyll/Hyde nature of Curt Connor’s affliction means there’ll be no need for the troublesome costuming which hindered the first movie and Willem Dafoe’s otherwise decent performance.  

All this leads me to the unavoidable conclusion that there’s a strong possibility the new, as yet untitled, Spider-man reboot has the potential to be even better than the first run of movies. Garfield has his work cut out erasing the memory of Tobey Maguire’s Parker but I can think of no one better suited to the challenge. All these things, coupled with ten years of CGI development stand Marc Webb on the brink of a monster hit providing he can pitch the movie’s tone just right.

5) The first picture from Cowboys and Aliens!
Whilst Scott Mitchell Rosenberg’s graphic novel series retains a relatively cult status for now, chances are, when the film adaptation is released this time next year copies of the genre bending romp will be flying off the shelves. The man in charge of further lining Rosenberg’s pockets is none other than John Favreau, the man who made Iron Man into a phenomenon. Whilst initially rumoured to be another project for The Fav and his go to guy Robert Downey Jr, scheduling issues forced Fav to look further from home, finally settling on none other than Daniel Craig for the lead.

Although only a single image it does typify the novel astutely. A Stetson and a futuristic hand laser gizmo may seem an odd concoction but clearly it works and the same can be said for the entire concept. When Aliens land in 1800’s frontier land, feuding Cowboys and Apaches are forced to unite to save humanity. I can think of no one better suited to helm such a bonkers concept than The Fav and with Lost’s Damon Lindelof on script duties we can expect a perfect blend of wit and weird. If the solitary picture does have a failing it’s that it fails to articulate the truly impressive ensemble cast who will be lending their thespian talents to the pulp wonder. Backing up Craig will be Olivia Wilde (House), Walton Goggins (Justified), Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, Keith Carradine and Harrison “It’s about time I made a decent movie” Ford. Could be next years District 9.

4)New Tron Legacy Trailer!
Whilst I would never admit it aloud the first Tron Legacy trailer felt like a bit of a letdown. Whilst aged ten, light cycles and space paranoids were enough to keep my nose pressed to the screen and my jaw rested firmly on the floor, the older, more cynical me felt the whole thing seemed a little… shallow. That was of course until Joseph Kosinski unveiled the new, more comprehensive trailer. With more of an actual narrative on show and no sign of Sark or the MCP the trailer seems to hint at the unlikeliest of villains (as opposed to simply Michael Sheen’s Castor).

On top of all this the special effects appear slicker and more polished, especially the digitally de-aged Jeff Bridges. It would appear that Disney’s decision to shift a portion of the effects load over to their computer whiz chums at Pixar has paid off in a big way!

3) Harvey Pekar does Strange Tales!
Like a lot of comic book enthusiasts the Summer sun was darkened by the sad news of the death of indie comic king Harvey Pekar who passed away on the twelth of July. Pekar, the guy who’d already defeated Lymphoma back in the 90’s, documenting it in the hilariously acerbic Our Cancer Year graphic novel was some what of a bitter hero of mine and the thought of a world devoid of Pekar’s cynical musings caused me to reach for my American Splendour Best of. To my pleasant surprise solice came a few weeks later from an unlikely source. In one of their smaller Comic Con announcements Marvel announced a follow up to the popular ‘Strange Tales’ comics. For those of you staring blankly at the computer screen right now the ‘Strange Tales’ mini-series was released last year and featured stories and art work by acclaimed indie artists the world over.

Notable by his absence of course was Pekar. I can only imagine then the roar that went up when it was announced that Pekar had completed an instalment and would be joining the likes of Jeff Lemire, Alex Robinson and Ty Templeton in the follow up due for release in October of this year.

2) The Walking Dead trailer!
Something I’ve been following closely since its recent confirmation is the television adaptation of Robert Kirkman’s hugely popular zombie comic The Walking Dead. Whilst I always thought that the comics would be ripe for a live action adaptation, I assumed the diehard (pun intended) fans would be displeased by anything less than extraordinary. Ever since the announcement that Oscar nominee Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) this project has been gathering pace. With our own Andrew Lincoln cast as the eponymous Rick Grimes things seemed to be moving in the right direction ahead of the show’s October opening. That having been said I, like many was wholly unprepared for what was shown in the AMC hall.

Whilst the quality of the video itself is sketchy the trailer oozes quality like brains from the mouth of a drooling zombie. The substantial trailer implies that Darabont and co have drawn on the best of recent Zombie movies and amalgamated them into what could prove to be a cohesive and compelling show.

1) The Avengers team up!
Even if you were unaware that SDCC 2010 had taken place chances are you would still have/seen slash heard murmurings about my number one pick. Whilst it would appear that Marvel Studios have difficulty keeping secrets, (The addition of Jeremy Renner and Mark Ruffalo to the cast and Joss Whedon’s director role had been fuel for message boards the world over), they clearly still know how to get people’s pulses racing. Just as things seemed to be quietening down after some modest announcements pertaining to next year’s Thor and Captain America movies the audience were pleased to see none other than Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury) take to the stage.

Although I’d be excited to hear him read off of a menu what followed was even more awesome than that. One by one Jackson oh so coolly introduced those lucky few who have been tasked with bringing some of Marvel’s most beloved characters to life. Starting with the excellent Clark Gregg (Agent Caulson) Jackson introduced all the confirmed Avengers including new boys Mark Ruffalo (Bruce Banner lll) and Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye). Whilst the biggest cheer may have been for the ‘Stark-like’ Robert Downey Jr, it fell to Iron Man himself to finally confirm Joss Whedon as the chosen director. As I said before, none of this would really have come as news to those fans present but to see the likes of Chris Helmsworth and Chris Evans finally lined up side by side was more than enough to take the hype to a new level.

Then, yesterday I breathed a sigh of relief when Entertainment Weekly reported that Fassbender was all but guaranteed to follow/precede Ian McKellan into the X-men universe. As a fan of the X movies and of Fassbender you can see how this past week has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me.

The events of the past week got me to thinking. What is the real effect of twenty four hour casting speculation? Is it merely fan boys run amuck or does it have an almost viral impact on the entertainment industry, be it good or bad? If Inception director Chris Nolan is to be believed the whole thing can have a negative impact on the overall process.

In a recent interview Nolan claimed rather frankly that; “”Honestly, I don’t really look at the internet, I think at a very early stage in taking on Batman, I realised it wasn’t going to be helpful to look at what they say.” Nolan also went on to say that widely reported rumours can also cause issues when it comes to meetings with the studio bosses.

With a third instalment of Nolan’s Batman franchise in tentative preproduction message boards and blogs are once again ablaze with casting rumours for characters that are as yet, not even confirmed. Despite no confirmation from Nolan or Warner Bros the hive mind of the internet appears convinced that we can expect the Riddler to crop up in the next movie but with names as diverse as Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams and Johnny Depp being thrown around it’s clear that no one really has the faintest idea.

It’s one thing for sites to report on strong rumours. Marvel Studios, for example, were particularly forthcoming with the names of the actors who had screen tested for the role of Captain America (Mike Vogel, Michael Cassidy, Garrett Hedlund and Wilson Bethel) before eventually settling on Chris Evans. When, on the other hand, you have to begin an entire article with ‘This is just a rumour but…’ surely journalism gives way to speculation, or just making shit up.

Today it has been widely been reported that both Don Cheadle and Frieda Pinto have been offered parts in Fox’s ‘Caeser’ aka Planet of the Apes prequel Rise of the Apes. Whilst this would be in keeping with the earlier announcement of James Franco as the lead it is undeniably a speculatory news piece. So, why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we let ourselves become so embroiled in a dialogue in which we have seemingly no voice?
Take for example the up and coming Predators movie. Whilst the principle cast (Adrian Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga etc) are all present and correct in the movie’s trailer one actor’s appearance is still the source of much online debate. A possible cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger has been neither confirmed nor denied by director Nimród Antal yet I cannot help myself be entirely swept up by the possibility of the appearance of franchise legend ‘Dutch’. My brain tells me that the rumour stems entirely from an inconclusive glimpse of the Governator on the Predators set and nothing more than that. My (nerdy) heart on the other hand, tells me that an Arnie cameo would be freakin’ sweet and would probably crank the movie up a whole star.

Whilst the cynic in me fears that we’re only a few years away from an X-factor style casting competition the general public is, for now at least, uninvolved in the casting process. However, what we may never know is whether or not our constant probing and prodding has a detrimental effect on the process. Could an actor potentially be put off taking a role by the intense glare of internet speculation? Chris Nolan seems to think it’s a possibility and as the man responsible for one of the most inspired casting choices of all time I’m inclined to believe him.

Some would argue that Hex has spent the last 30 years as a fringe property at DC comics and they’d probably be right. However, this has not stopped him from cropping up in a huge number of more bankable properties, as well as a number of popular animated series. This, coupled with his 2005 return to comic book shelves has, somewhat inevitably lead to the property being optioned by long time DC collaborators Warner Brothers.

In terms of casting, If Josh Brolin is the good, and Megan Fox is the bad then I guess that makes John Malkovich the ugly. Of course, I wouldn’t dream of casting aspersions over the actor’s appearance more it is the crucial role of Quentin Turnbull, long time Hex antagonist that will require Malkovich to channel the uglier side of his personality. Whilst Brolin has proven his Stetson wearing credentials in 2007’s No Country for Old Men that wagon was steered by the ultra experienced Coen brothers. The fate of Jonah Hex on the on the other hand has been entrusted to the little known director of Horton Hears a Who!

Jimmy Hayward, who cut his teeth as an animator at Pixar finally broke out in 2008 with the aforementioned Dr Seuss adaptation but Jonah Hex is his first foray into live action film making. Yes, on the surface Hayward’s appointment may appear to be somewhat of a gamble in comparison to the other, more experienced directors helming DC’s other properties, think Nolan’s Batman Begins, Singer’s Superman Returns and Martin Campbell’s upcoming Green Lantern but is it may yet prove an inspired choice to task an animator with finally bringing this pen and ink cowboy to the big screen.

If anybody was in doubt over Hayward’s conviction he has assembled an impressive and versatile supporting cast of up and comers who are all surely looking to cement their own burgeoning reputations with some hopefully scene stealing performances.

First off the bat there’s Michael Fassbender who will no doubt be hoping to continue his transatlantic successes with a more mainstream performance than his brief but telling role in Inglorious Basterds. Secondly, in what is probably the most left field bit of casting is Will Arnett, still probably best known for Arrested Development. Whilst I am an unashamed fan of Arnett and his self deprecating comedy shtick, part of me hopes that this time around he is afforded the opportunity to put on his more serious face, if only just to see if he can finally make the leap from the small screen. The trailer also features a brief and seemingly unaccredited turn from the domineering Lance Reddick from the hit TV show… Fringe. Apparently he was in some cop show as well. Finally there’s a supporting role for one of the 2008 Supporting Actor nominees Michael Shannon. Whilst it is unlikely that Shannon will receive any resemblance of the critical acclaim he earned for his part in Revolutionary Road, Jonah Hex may prove a more profitable box office outing.

With the trailer having finally been released the buzz for this comic book western is building steadily. The trailer, which seems to be geared heavily towards the pubescent demographic contains some very shaky dialogue, a large number of explosions and a number of glaringly unsubtle nods to Eastwood’s ‘Man With No Name’. Throw into that mix a number of gratuitous shots of Megan Fox dressing and undressing and you may well have yourself a summer holiday sleeper hit. Whilst it will inevitably be over shadowed by the likes of Iron Man, Robin Hood and Prince of Persia the film’s prodominantly strong cast may just be gifted enough to pull off what is unavoidably, given its source material, a ludicrous tale of Bullets, Broads and slightly unrealistic facial burns. And, lest we forget, Transformers 2 proved that a feature long ode to Megan Fox does not a good movie make. If Hayward can avoid falling into that trap he may well just pull off a rip roaring, 21st century western which makes a few quid on its way.

The release date for Jonah Hex has been brought forward to June 18th

While a sleeper hit has, by definition, no expectations around it, a sequel has nothing but. When the first Iron Man hit the screens, despite it being a Marvel tentpole flick, the buzz was fairly minimal. After release it was one of the most hotly anticpated new franchises going. So how does the superhero sequel compare to its brethrin?

Not long after Tony has revealed himself to the world as the man in the iron suit, the vultures are out for blood. The military, along with high-profile senators, are looking to claim the Iron Man suit, while Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) will stop at nothing to usurp Tony as the God in the publics affections. Add to this a pissed of Russki in the form of Whiplash (Mickey Rourke) and Stark looks set to be having a very bad time of it. He’s also hiding a big secret about his health from his unrequited love, the ludicrously named Pepper Potts…

Iron Man 2 may not be a vast improvement on the original but its certainly worthy of the same praise. New dilemmas, new characters and new aims give the film new blood but the body is still firmly the same. Much more comfortable with developing character than blowing shit up, the Iron Man series is the family event movie it’s okay to like.

The Dark Knight may have changed the stakes on the comic book genre (arguably its biggest gift being that no character is safe, injecting all films of its ilk with a higher level of danger) but it was ultimately an adult movie, one that you really shouldn’t be bringing your kids too. Iron Man, in contrast, is the perfect entertainment for all the family.

Kids will get a blast out of the silly action, Mum’s can swoon over Bob and Dad’s can hide their appreciation of Scarlett Johannssen with a strategically placed tub of popped corn. As a piece of consumerism its bang on the money, if you’ll forgive the pun.

Usually this kind of ‘please-all mentality’ will leave no-one happy, and Iron Man 2 detractors are right to say it certainly doesn’t set the world on fire, but it does do what its required to do. It makes you laugh, cheer and wish you had a big metal suit of you own. So that even upon exiting you’re still happily singing “”I am Owen Man! NA-NA-NA-NA-NANA! Owen Man!”…

Which I think, is a good thing.

If I have only criticism of the trailers for Iron Man 2 to date is that they are perhaps a little categorical. It could be argued that the trailers leave little to the imagination however; this latest part of the campaign seems to focus very astutely on the public face of Stark Industries. The implication of this is that all the remaining cool fighty, shooty stuff is being saved for the big screen.

One of the most intriguing products of the campaign is a simple memo seen below.

Interestingly the Memo references the first movie, which seems to reflect the viral campaign as a whole. If you remember Iron Man’s climax you’ll recall that Stark came to blows with his profiteering partner Obidiah Stane (Jeff Bridges) when it was revealed that Stane had more nefarious intentions for Tony’s pivotal ‘Arc Reactor’.

Watching the various ‘Stark Expo’ promos it would seem that this misappropriation of Stark’s tech will form the spine of the sequel and a fleeting mention of industry rival ‘Hammer Industries’ (owned by Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer) backs this up. Also mentioned in the letter is Stark’s ‘dear-old-dad’ Howard. Whilst the late Howard Stark’s inclusion in proceedings was revealed when Mad Men’s John Slattery was cast in the role he has been absent in all the promotional material so far. That is until now.

The promo for Stark Expo 74 gives us our first glimpse of Stark senior (and his tash) who may well prove to be a pivotal figure in Marvel Studio’s multi-pronged franchise. As casting for The First Avenger: Captain America gathers pace I’d lay money on Slattery’s involvement. If Stark Industries illustrates the media whoring side to Tony Stark’s personality then S.H.I.E.L.D. must represent the more clandestine Iron Man facet. It would seem that this close history between the Stark family and Nick Fury’s agency is implicated further by a quote attributed to Howard Stark on one of the subsidiary websites. The quote reads “Technology, the sword that protects the Nation” possibly an allusion to S.H.I.E.L.D? Of course, it’s not just Sam Jackson’s expanded role that implies more involvement for the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. If you look closely at Scarlett Johanson’s Natalia Romanov on the latest poster…

…you’d be remiss if you failed to notice the Shield emblem emblazoned on her sleeve. Whilst this sadly clears up any mystery pertaining to Romanov’s true allegiance it does suggest that she may also be a product of the same super soldier program as Steve Rogers (soon to be Chris Evans).

The sum total of these clues seems to suggest that Iron Man 2 will take all the things that were great about the first movie and increase them in a very ‘non-Michael Bay Way’. Also, I think we can expect to see a heightened level of anticipation surrounding Thor, Captain America and the, possibly Joss Whedon directed, Avengers movie.

Thinking of non-super superheroes makes you wonder what classifies a ‘superhero’ exactly. I would say a definition of a superhero is a character possessing “extraordinary or superhuman powers” and dedicated to protecting the public. However, Google’s web definition page gets it a bit wrong saying “A superhero is a character in a cartoon or film who has special powers and fights against evil… Superheroes like Batman and Superman.” Find out why that’s wrong after the jump.

Why is this wrong? Quite simply, Batman doesn’t have any special powers at all… He’s just got a lot of spare time and even more spare cash! Years of training and millions of dollars worth of tech makes Batman who he is. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like Green Arrow, who funnily enough is a billionnairre too! Oliver Queen took the mantle of ‘Green Arrow’, a Robin-Hood styled hero who uses his skills with a bow and specially created arrows to fight crime and take down the villians of Star City. I’m not going to mention Arrow’s Kryptonite Arrow… The cheeky scamp teamed up with Batman in the comic “Batman: The Dark Knight Returns” and injured Supes with the arrow to allow Batman to defeat him.

Moving away from comic books, there are other examples of ‘super’ heroes… Take Watchmen for example (OK, so it is a graphic novel but it’s technically not a comic book!) where the only hero (and I use that term loosely) with powers is the awe-inspiring Dr. Manhattan. Typically, a freak accident disintegrated Jon Osterman whilst he was experimenting with an ‘Intrinsic Field Subtractor’ but luckily, within a few months, his conscious was able to reconstruct his body and he could continue his life as Dr. Manhattan.

Other members of The Watchmen included The Comedian, Ozymandias, Silk Spectre, The Nite Owl and Rorschach. These masked vigilantes were outlawed and forced to either retire or work freelance for the US government. All without any extra powers, they were forced to literally fist-fight the bad guys and were subsequently pulled out of retirement to try to stop the end of the world. A pretty big task for a group of middle-aged loners without any powers!

In the world of film, there are even more examples though. If we were to strip away the ‘super’ we’d be left with heroes… Someone without any powers, fighting for the greater good and for what they believe is right.

The first hero that comes to mind is Shaun. A simple sales team leader working a 9-5 in a dixons-esque high street store, bumbling through life taking each day as it comes. After a zombie outbreak, Shaun decides to step up to the plate and battle through a zombie-laden London to rescue his mother, ex-girlfriend and best friend Ed.

You could go even further, classifying Indiana Jones as one of these non-super heroes. James Bond and Han Solo could also be thrown into the mix but we’re talking ‘superheroes’ without powers… Just like ‘Kick-Ass’ himself, Red Mist, Big Daddy and of course Hit Girl. We’ve already got Batman and Green Arrow but who else is there… Green Lantern technically has no super powers, he just wears a ring that gives him powers! There’s Robin and Batgirl as well, all in all there’s plenty to choose from, the main question remains.

Who would win in a fight? Batman or Kick-Ass?

Our money is on the guy with the money.

The term Superhero tends to be banded around fairly liberally but it is actually, upon closer inspection, an all encompassing moniker which is often used indiscriminately to identify do-gooders of all shapes and sizes. In honour of Kick-Ass and its misguided protagonist, Dave Lizewski I will now chart five sure fire ways to garner some moral superiority of your own.

Accidental Hero

If there is an archetype with which we find comfortable familiarity it is most probably that of the Accidental Hero. Many men, Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, Matt Murdock included, have all fallen foul of horrendous Health and Safety oversights but whilst the majority of us end up with a plaster cast and a business card for claims direct these fellows tend to wake up with something a little more practical. Whether you wake up with spider senses, super hearing or a big green physical manifestation of your own Id it is important to remember that “With great power comes… financial ruin and girl trouble.” Yes, sadly those individuals who have greatness thrust upon them often struggle to cope with their new found power causing them to be, above all else whiney emo shits.
If this option seems to be the most appealing to you then you may want to jump over to the Easy Jet website to check out cheap flights to the Ukraine.

Real Life Example: Alexander Litvinenko

– Sadly for the deceased Russian spy playing with radioactive isotopes isn’t an exact science. Or maybe it is, I don’t know.

Vigilante Crime Fighter

Lying at the more sociopathic end of the hero spectrum is the category often referred to as Vigilante Crime Fighters. Whilst donning an eye mask and happy slapping the shit out of some hoodies may seem like a productive way to spend a Friday night it does seem to take a special kind of person to join this band of misfits. It would seem that the impetus to dress up as a glorified gimp stems from some kind of horrific past trauma. Both Bruce Wayne and Frank Castle had to witness the brutal murder of their respective families before they found their own judiciary form of blood lust.
Therefore, unless you are planning on deliberately placing your loved ones in potentially lethal situations you may want to select a different career path.

Real Life Example: Tony Martin

– Norfolk’s own vigilante hero may have benefited from a secret identity when the fuzz came knocking on his door.

Super-Enhanced Hero

Now we come to what is arguably a sub category of the Vigilante, the Super Enhanced Hero is probably the most attainable for you or I. Whilst some of the more privileged heroes like Tony Stark rely on high I.Qs and even higher trust funds the rest of us are left with few options in this credit crunch, however, you do have alternatives. If like me your desire for super skills outweighs your moral fibre then get in touch with your local council and see if you can’t get your hands on some kind of secret government formula. Granted you’ll probably be fobbed off with a hypodermic full of excess Tamiflu but as we know from paragraph three you never know what might happen. Of course the down side of becoming a government forged super-soldier is that you’ll spend the rest of your life affiliated with a malevolent and often corrupt organisation.

Real Life Example: Barack Obama

– It doesn’t matter how good the suit is. The real power comes from the man wearing it.

Be Part Of An Ancient Dynasty Of Super Beings

This next category is well and truly out of your control. Next time your folks are rowing about who was the last person to change the Hoover bag ask yourself this one question. “What is the likely hood I am part of an ancient dynasty of super beings?” If that seems far fetched fear not, there’s still the possibility that you may have been adopted. If however there’s a secret room in the basement that can only be unlocked with a mysterious crystal that Dad keeps at the bottom of his sock draw then you may still be in luck. The likes of Clarke Kent, Donald Blake and Arthur Curry were all the wrong side of puberty when they discovered their true genealogy, a genealogy that bestowed upon them super strength, a hammer and the ability to swim real fast.

Real Life Example: Kal-El Coppola Cage

– a mental but fitting name for a kid whose family tree boasts heros like Nick Cage, Jason Scwartzman, Sofia Coppola, Thomas Mars, Roman Coppola, Talia Shire and of course Francis Ford Coppola.

The Grateful Dead

The final category is probably the most final of all. The Grateful Dead are a select niche of heroes who ironically have to die in order to find their reason for living. Needless to say these heroes tend to be motivated by revenge leading to a dark and ultimately unfulfilling existence. I must warn you though, simply leaping off a nearby precipice will not suffice. The demise of these heroes tend to air on the side of fucked up. Bullets to the brain, evisceration and dismemberment are all fairly typical accouterments. On top of which there’s no real guarantee that there’ll be a handy crow with the power to resurrect the dead flying by just at the right moment. Chances are they’ll just peck aimlessly at your eyeball instead. Whilst the likes of Al Simmons and Boston Brand have all benefited from some kind of resurrection they are forever changed from their brushes with death. As well as changes in appearance, delusions of immortality seem to add a ‘smuggish’ quality to their personality which some can find annoying.

Real Life Example: Richard Hammond

– Since Hammonds well publicised accident he has returned to our world and brought Total Wipeout with him. Hero.

So there you have it. Becoming a hero is not as easy as you may think. It often leads to misery, financial ruin and underlying health issues so it’s a bit like asbestos removal in that sense. If money is what you crave then you may be better suited to a career in super villainy and if all you want to do is get some lady action you’re probably better off with an exotic bunch of flowers. And you never know, there might just be a radio-active, tropical spider hiding in that bunch.

Now, almost all comic book adaptations follow a set formula – namely, ordinary Joe/Peter/Bruce acquires/inherits superhero powers, faces an almost equally super-powered nemesis, deals with his inner demons, vanquishes said Nemesis and then returns the situation neatly to where it had begun to await the next adventure. Even the much-vaunted “The Dark Knight”, whilst exploring some more shadowed aspects of being a superhero, adheres to this formula.

This episodic structure, is, of course, central to selling comics and the longevity of any series, but there are some comic book adaptations out there that dare to be different. And, admittedly with a rather over-long intro, but hopefully a punchy end (rather like both Kill Bill volumes in reverse), here is the point of the article; to showcase the Comic-book films that dared to defy convention:

(Warning: plot spoilers follow!)

V for Vendetta

Adapted from Alan Moore’s ten comic book series, V takes standard comic book conventions and perversely contravenes them all. For example, take the following superhero formulas..

1. Explore your protagonist’s origins, his “non-super” side.
– V says no thanks, let’s keep him faceless and masked for his entire screen time and not really mention anything about who he is and what he was before he became V. Oh, except that he likes classical music, of course.

2. Make your Superhero, however anguished, identifiably good.
- V kidnaps and tortures Evie, in a surprisingly successful effort to turn her into an ally. Not exactly good, is it? Oh, and he wasn’t even really sorry about it

3. Fight ultimately for the authorities (working to help them, even if they think otherwise) by dispatching the villains that would threaten the status quo.
- Well, V’s ultimate aim is to overthrow a totalitarian police state through acts of terror. Sort of a one man Al-Qaeda. But with more specific demands. Actually, come to think of it, it’s more like those Father’s for Justice people. But with better outfits.

4. Return to the status quo at the end of the film ready for the next adventure.
- Well, let’s see. Err…..there was a masked man at the start. And slightly more than one at the end. That’s as close as you get. Having the hero die and his protege blow up the Houses of Parliament doesn’t really qualify on this score, does it? Oh, and there is a revolution. But apart from that, it’s almost exactly the same at the end as the start.

300.

OK, not strictly a super-hero film, but the men in question, and particularly King Leonidas are pretty super. And it is adapted from a graphic novel by Frank Miller.

Let’s take a look at the following off-formula attributes of this film. Well, firstly, everyone dies, including the King. But then, a fair number of people would have known that already if they know their mythology, so that’s not too much of a surprise. But the surprisingly dark sub-plot where the Queen essentially ends up permitting herself to be raped to try and secure some military support for her King is so far off-formula it’s practically in Persia. Or somewhere else far, far away

Watchmen.

Again an Alan Moore adaptation (in conjunction for Dave Gibbons), this film takes the perversely anti-hero aspects of the previous two films and takes it into a further dimension. An alternate dimension, to be precise. In 1985.

The film features superheroes who rely on technology, on intelligence, and a big blue god-like being with genuine super powers and a big blue penis, rather disturbingly. Try and find that in any other superhero adaptation! Whilst relying on a few stock superhero adages – the origins sub-plots and the issues to deal with, the film manages to cram in rape, mutilation, extreme violence, impotence and vaporisation. Oh, and a big blue penis. In case you missed that the first time.

But repetitive cock jokes, aside, the film’s crowning glory is the sheer subversiveness of it’s two main protagonists. Rorschach is a masked psychopath who brutally murders almost everyone he comes across in prison at one point (though they do attack him first), and yet somehow his pursuit of the truth and his refusal to accept any grey in his world of black and white (quite literally, in the case of his shifting mask) ends up with him somehow being ennobled by his ideals – a quite remarkable feat.

Similarly, we have in Ozymandias another super-hero who proves not only that super-powers are nothing compared to a cunning plan, but that it is possible to have a comic book villain who doesn’t explain his plan while there is still time to stop it. Even more impressively, he puts his ultimate aim of doing good on a mass scale (no rescuing the occasional person from criminals or the catching the odd crashing plane for him, he has far, far grander vision) over both his conscience and the bonds of friendship.

Killing a few millions for the greater good. Dying because you would not compromise your principles.

Now that’s daring to be different.