ThisFilmIsOn

5) Poseidon

1972’s The Poseidon Adventure is right up there with some of my all time favourite films. However, for the sake of this poll, charting the greatest New Years Eve scenes in movie history I have, after much deliberation, plumped for Wolfgang Peterson’s 2006 bastardisation Poseidon.

Why? Because, the remake does in fact contain the single greatest example of the power of the hive mind. As midnight encroaches on the revellers of the ill-fated ship,  Fergie, the female quarter of the Black Eyed Peas, takes to the stage for a typically self indulgent rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

 
The pop star warbles her way through the song whilst the party goers silently pray for the sweet release of death. Thankfully, their prayers are answered in the form of a giant tidal wave which slams into the boat. As good as the original film is, nothing will quite match the satisfaction of seeing Fergalicious getting swept clean off the stage.

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So, the last post had me championing the film ‘Irreversible’ (a film that unfortunately features a horrific killing and anal rape) and this latest has me going giddy for the wonders of Pixar, (talking puppies, cutesy loveable robots and cuddly toys being all anthropomorphised). “My, my”, you’re thinking, “this Owen fella has quite diverse tastes”.

Well, thanks. But I was only really pointing out the contrast so that I could be the first person to ever write the words ‘Pixar’ and ‘anal rape’ within a line of each other. And who knows some pervert might google the latter, be sent here, read my lovely words and change his life around. After all that’s why I’m here.

Now that we’re all sitting uncomfortably here’s something to make you like humanity again. With Pixar celebrating 10 in a row for outstanding contributions to cinema – thanks to their latest, ‘Up’ – here’s the best five moments from Luxo Jr and friends.

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To celebrate this momentous day, after which birds will sing and the sun will always shine/nothing will change/disappointment will cloud the land (delete where applicable), here is a rundown of the greatest and worst fictional people in charge of the whole wide world. Well, if you’re American.

1. The First Black President
David Palmer (’24′, Dennis Haysbert)

They say that truth is stranger than fiction but who would really have believed that when ’24′ first hit our screens we would actually have a black President within the time that the programme was still running. And what a president he was. Willing to make tough decisions, a background that showed he knew how to kick some ass, a voice so deep it would make Vin Diesel shudder and a best mate that would save the world 7 times and counting.
Finest moment: Taking over from Nixon-a-like Logan in Season Four. Showing once more that he is the only President for times of crisis.
See also: Morgan Freeman as President Tom Beck in ‘Deep Impact’. A black president that never really makes a big deal about being a black president. But he does have to worry about half the world dying, so race isn’t exactly top of his agenda.

2. The Guardian-Loving President
Josiah Bartlett (‘The West Wing’, Martin Sheen)

While David Palmer always had that Republican friend of his Jack Bauer to come and torture people for him, Josiah ‘Jed’ Bartlett was the dictionary definition of a leftie Democrat. His accomplishments included granting amnesty to illegal immigrants from the Americas, negotiating a peace settlement between Israel and Palestine, creating millions of new jobs, providing strong support for alternative energy and orchestrating a Social Security reform plan. So Barack, anything less than that and we’ll have your balls.
Finest moment: His introduction. Walking into a room stating, tongue firmly in cheek, “Thou shalt have no other god but me!”.
See also: Jeff Bridges as President Jackson Evans in ‘The Contender’. The Dude as President. Legalising pot and bowling are high on the agenda of this POTUS.

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