Good things come in (twenty?) threes

Everybody loves a trilogy. It’s part of the natural order of things like the Fibonacci sequence or the golden ratio- it just works, beginning middle and end, top middle and bottom, Hope, Empire and Jedi.

Pythagoras was really onto something 2500 years ago when he was going on and on about those bloody triangles. But what mathematical genius sought to illuminate, Hollywood marketing has seen fit to destroy. Why settle for gay Greek triangles when you can have endless all American quadrangles, pentagons, hexagons and so on until once again the audience are chewing their own tongues off with frustration and happy memories have been set about like Marilyn Monroe’s still twitching corpse.

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History of the Vampire Film

With the release of Daybreakers and the current Twilight saga in full swing the vampire’s  charm seems as enticing as ever for cinema goers, so here’s a not so little history of the evolution of this immortal creatures place in cinema.

From the Ancient Greek bloodsuckers Empusa and Lamia to modern day half human, soulless, zombie hybrids the idea of monsters living by night and sucking our blood  seems to be woven into the collective subconscious. But the forms these fiends have taken and the ‘rules’ of their existence and possible demise are as varied as the hundreds of cultures they derive from.  From having iron teeth to having the ability to turn into a firefly, any number of supernatural capabilities can be attributed to what we would call vampires. So the next time some smug know-it-all tells you that vampires don’t have a reflection or that they always sleep in a coffin or even that they can’t go out in the day feel free to don your best Stephen Fry manner and politely tell them to go suck themselves.

All that said it is generally accepted that the vampires of popular western fiction are based on the ‘vampirs’ of medieval Serbia and Bulgaria. This is certainly the basis for the two books that did such a huge amount to popularize the genre in the West, John Polidori’s 1819 The Vampyre and the better known Dracula by Bram Stoker from 1897, and it is from these that Hollywood takes its cues. (more…)

Drop your Gameboy, put on your best tracksuit top and come downstairs, Uncle Hollywood is coming to visit……………………..

……………and he’s not leaving until your piggy bank is empty and you’re crying in the corner repressing every moment of your childhood.

Sexy Cats

"Sexy Cats"

Like Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the 80’s happened and we have all had to learn to deal with it. Unlike those fated Japanese cities however, the way to survive the horrible mutilating physical and mental scars was not a lead lined bunker but something much more organic, being a child. (more…)

Se7en

So what is your favourite film? We’ve all been asked it. We’ve all been asked it a lot. So much in fact that if you had a pound for every time you had been asked this question you could probably fund the filming and subsequent viral campaign for a fuck awful shaky cam horror film, which would ironically become the answer to said question for untold numbers of near-tards for about 15 minutes, or at least until the next brightly coloured ball entered into their field of vision. For such a simple and common question it’s an impossible one to answer.

Se7en

Se7en

There are a lot of films, not many are good and an even smaller number would make it into your list of favourites, plural. But this commonly asked, informal question being  posed to you, perhaps by someone you don t know very well, if at all, is asking you to  identify, commit, and then carve onto their perception of you forever your favourite piece of cinema. (more…)

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