Pam’s Tits

We’re all very lucky. We live in a world brimming with lovely tits. All the shapes, sizes and shades imaginable exist somewhere in the glorious diversity that is the human genome. Viva la boobie! Whilst I’m of the opinion that all tits should be celebrated on merit of their existence alone (imagining the immense evolutionary chain stretching back over the eons from simple milk dispensing teats, through sexual and natural selection to form the modern homosapien mammary is the closest I’ve come to “know the mind of god” (:Hawking: “A brief history of time”.) There are of course notable exceptions that require special appreciation. Which leads me to the main point of this essay, the tip top, or top tips if you will. Pam Grier’s.

pam

I can see in my mind’s eye, your brain racing, synapses firing full throttle trying to think of a superior pair and maybe you can. Or at least you think you can. I intend to prove you wrong.

Many tits are larger than Pam’s certainly. Some rounder, some more pert. Many are lighter/darker, and hence equally superior depending on one’s individual preferences. Therein lies the rub. How does one take into account personal preference when attempting to establish the finest example of natural titage? Your idea of the perfect boob might be larger or smaller than my own, in exactly the same way that my idea of the finest painting may contain (or not) a more vibrant use of colour than your favourite masterpiece. One attribute alone, being superior even if undisputed is not enough to win the game outright. You couldn’t claim the Mona Lisa is a bad painting because it doesn’t contain any melting clocks and it would be equally mad to suggest Dahli is the best simply because of them.

Many attributes must be taken into account to demonstrate “beyond reasonable doubt” that Pam’s hams are the best.

These are a follows:

Size: As previously discussed personal preference makes it impossible to suggest there is a perfectly sized breat. This does not mean that size is an irrelevance. After all, almost all humans (excluding a handful of individuals with, to put it nicely unusual or rare tastes) dislike both “nat bit” or “bee sting” boobies (tiny, tiny tits you might expect to find on a slightly overweight boy child). At the other end of the scale “udders”. (you all know what I’m talking about, and if you don’t type bbw into google. Warning: this can be a very misleading acronym) This has lead many to believe that a sort of middle sized tit is the best, a tit that may not be ideal for either the large or small tit enthusiast, but is at least acceptable to all. Doesn’t that sound like a fair compromise? No it isn’t. The “mid tit assumption” as it is most commonly known relies on there being roughly the same number of large tit fans as there are small tit fans. This is not the case. Proof can be easily found by logging on to the popular porn site (amongst many other places on the net I’m sure, but this is my personal fave) pornhub.com. Click on the categories tab and you will find a staggering 9,293 “big tit” videos, compared to a rather paltry 2939 “small tit” videos. This hard data clearly demonstrates with only a modicum of analysis that there is nearly a 3 to 1 swing in favour of big tits over little ones. Now we’re getting somewhere. As there is a clearly observable favouritism towards larger cans it’s only fair that we reflect this in our appraisal of Pam’s offerings and conclude that Pam’s are indeed superior to at least all small tits.

pam

Hue: from darkest Nigerian to palest Scandinavian, I love em’ all. A tits a tit as far as I’m concerned regardless of race colour or creed. And if you don’t you’re a racist! So stop reading this and fuck off. A persons colour is an irrelevance. Having said that, Pam’s African American ancestry can still be considered a plus point. How? You may ask, simply as I’ve heard a number of older black people remark “black don’t crack”. I’ll resume this area of discussion in the longevity section.

Pertness/ shape: nobody likes a saggy boob, fact. Pam’s aren’t, there lovely and firm. This is best demonstrated “in motion”. When boobs are in a fixed position without external forces influencing them they are in what is referred to as a “dormant” state and can be very misleading if not properly understood. When dormant a tat can appear more pert or shapely because of either. Deliberate female seat positioning (D.F.S.P) the act of the “tit-bearer” manoeuvring herself into a carefully practised position (possibly involving both arms) to lend her chest a particular shape not necessarily befitting it’s worth. Or even more commonly via the use of “trick bras”. Only when boobs are “in motion” and have forces exerted upon them (from multiple angles, (this is very important to stop inherent parallax errors creeping into the experiment) can the rigidity, (ability of boob to retain its standing or control shape) pertness or can be properly analysed.
Fortunately Pam has a huge back catalogue, and huge front catalogue, (is that a joke? I’m not sure) of video evidence that proves when “in motion” pam’s breasts most defiantly retain their rigidity. Far better than any other I’ve been fortunate enough to observe.

W.H.A.A.T.T.R:
(waist, hip and arm to tit ratio)
The whaatt-ratio is generally regarded as the most important of all boob based attributes, as it considers more than just the tit itself but crucially how it interacts with the other adjacent body parts. Again Pam does not disappoint. The combination of her slight figure; thin arms, firm narrow waist, when joined by her exquisitely large frontal propositions creates an awe of wonders when seen for the first time. The onlooker is left wondering “how is it possible that such a delicate frame can support and produce such amazing structures” in exactly the same way anti-Semites are unable to grasp how the Jews were able to build the pyramids, when they’re so physically week.

Longevity: Tits don’t last forever. As I’m sure most (especially women) know they tend to droop or loose there shape. Ruining tits as discussed in the “pertness” section. Just look at Liz Taylor’s, she used to have a lovely pair plump pink puppies. Now alas ravaged by the endless and inescapable passing of the sands of time, I wouldn’t touch them with yours! It’s for this reason Pam’s portions require yet further special appreciation. In 1970 Pam’s protuberances first burst onto the silver screen filling the roll (or at least the bra the roll demanded) of “forth woman” in the rather raunchy Beyond the Valley Of The Dolls and she still hasn’t put them away! That’s 40 years of quality tit & they still look amazing. Ask yourself how many tits can you think of you’d like to motorboat at both age 21 and 51?

To conclude: as we have seen in the text above, I have demonstrated using clear scientific method that Pam Grier represents breast excellence (bre-xcellence) in all of the key categories and has clearly the finest tit’s to have graced this earth.

Responses welcome

Jb

1 Comment »

  1. My response is as thus…

    This article manages to nestle itself between shock and applaud. I am impressed yet concerned. As thus my true response finds itself a paradox of itself… and this leaves me confused.

    Both congratulations and condemnations, retrieve a chocolate ice from the freezer top shelf, place it upon a table and watch it melt. Hopefully this will place your mind in a similar bubble as my own.

    Comment by Domjad Bersilika — June 15, 2010 @ 6:51 pm

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