Most movies fall into the categories of a) complete bullshit (80% of films), b) well-made but far too worthy (15%) and c) truly excellent works of fiction (4%). The remaining percent is for films that are just watchable. A film that you can sit down for a couple of hours, fix your eyes upon, open your ears and just let wash over you. No emotions being twanged, no anger being induced.
Prince of Persia is, and I don’t give this up easily especially when a film is based on a video game, watchable.
Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal) is the adopted son of the King Of Persia. Along with his brothers Seso and Tus he does the bidding of his father, fighting in wars when he needs to, pissing about with his mates on his downtime. When his father is murdered, and he framed for it, Dastan goes on the run with the comely Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) a refugee from a city recently invaded by the young prince and his family. After much frivolity and love/hate banter we find out Tamina is just after Dastan’s dagger. Typical…
Let’s kick off with the good. For once a film based on a ‘pooter game has kept in what it should and jettisoned everything else. The ‘parkour’ scenes of Jake scaling walls and backflipping his way around sandy towns are the kind of wow factor scenes any self-respecting Hollywood Blockbuster should contain at least every ten minutes. The chemistry between the two leads whilst never degree level is at least GCSE and the supporting cast including Toby Kebbell (of Dead Man’s Shoes fame) are all fully aware of the film their making. None more so than Alfred Molina as the Ostrich lovin’ comic relief.
The bad includes everything you’d expect from a summer CGI-fest. Appaling dialogue, including one descriptive scene so painful you’ll try to drown yourself in your 70oz coke (“You mean when I press this button on the dagger I can turn back time!”) and an overuse of pixels that may as well have been taken from the original game. Let’s not forget David Lean managed to shoot the desert almost 50 years ago and it looked fucking breathtaking.
Much pre-publicity was that POP would be the new POTC. Coming from the stable of Disney and Bruckheimer, dashing young male lead, hot British female, costumes and swords, etc, etc. So far so Black Pearl. But while Jake will be sure to leave many a female seat as moist as a muffin he ain’t no Johnny Depp. This isn’t his fault, the script just doesn’t allow Dastan to be Captain Jack. The character struggles to be both wise-cracking, know-all and handsome, dashing romantic interest.
As for his, at times, Mockney accent even Russell Crowe would be pissing himself laughing, no matter how deaf his ears.
