1. Cream coloured ponies
2. Crisp apple strudels
3. Doorbells
4. Sleigh bells
5. Schnitzel with noodles
Here’s the top 5 reasons why writing top 10, top 5 or any top number list makes you as relevant as Rodgers and Hammerstein.
1.You’ll forget one of your favourites, be forced to leave one out or have to add some bullshit you Googled to make the numbers up to your digital figure. See the above list of nonsense if you don’t believe me. In the list of ‘favourite things’, a topic so vague it’s not even worthy of being on a 6th former’s pencil case, one of the ‘greatest lyricists of all time’ chose two types of bell and married a deep fried veal cutlet with a Chinese carbohydrate for the sake of rhyme in one verse. If he can’t make it work what chance do you think your sun-parched fizog has got?
2.Placing things in order causes infinitely more problems than it solves. Can you really justify Shaolin Soccer coming above Dodgeball in your definitive list of top 5 films containing balls? Can you justify either of them? Can you justify writing such a thing?
I know I can’t.
3. It’s just really really lazy . “Well, Deal or No Deal has finished, what can I do to fill my vacuous life and further propagate the rumour amongst my nebulous friends that I’m a journalist or writer or something other than an untrained tosser with too much time on his hands in possession of a computer?”
“I know, I’ll turn on the telly and then make a top 5 list of the first 5 nouns that cross my soppy ears.”
Icelandic volcano fucks Britain in the arse.
Great that will do
Top five films containing ice
The Thing
March of the penguins
Ice age
Ice age 2
The Day After Tomorrow
Top five films with land
Shutter Island
Zombieland
The land that time forgot
The land before time
Land of the lost
Top five films with volcanoes
Volcano
Up Pompeii
Joe versus the volcano
Power Rangers turbo: Race to the volcano
Dante’s Peak
(I would love to make space for Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley: Case of the Volcano adventure, but it’s a top 5.)
Top five films containing Britain
Four Weddings and a funeral
Sean of the Dead
The Wicker Man
Straw Dogs
Trainspotting
Top five films containing arse
Arsenic and old lace
Brarsed off
Riding in Carse with Boys
Star Warse
The Best Yarse of Our Lives
Excellent, there’s a month’s material sorted. I shall now return to rubbing my balls with cocoa butter.
4. Some smart arse is only going to post a ’reply list’ of his own below yours which is far superior. Resulting in a pointless argument that lowers not only your self respect but once again creates another president of lowest common denominator in your own personal yawn blog.
5.THERE ISNT A NUMBER FUCKING 5 BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS. There are 8 planets in our solar system, 6 kingdoms of life, 92 naturally occurring elements, 4 members of Led Zeppelin and 163 check-outs in darts. So there’s another top 5 reasons why top 5 lists have no place on God’s curdled experiment. What your doing is marketing; ”Oooh 5 things in a list, 10 things in a list, sounds official, people will be impressed, l must be important.” IT ISNT. They aren’t.
End
If you finish a top 5 list of chocolate bars with the ’5, 4, 3, 2, 1′, does that nullify the original top 4?
Comment by Domjad Bersilika — May 8, 2010 @ 7:33 pm