From Hollywood to the pits of Sheffield, everyone is absolutely shitting themselves this morning at the news that Mike Leigh, director of British melo-drama’s Secrets and Lies and Vera Drake, is set to remake James Cameron’s Avatar.
Only now leaving cinema’s, Avatar smashed every conceivable box office record with game-changing special effects and a cast of Hollywood big hitters, but Mike sees potential in a low-budget re-telling.
When asked what provoked this extraordinary choice Mike responded, “It’s about time they (the Americans) got a taste of their own medicine. Why can’t we remake their films? Their paws are all over our films and the Europeans”.
Pressed about why Avatar in particular, the director said, “The thing that people don’t know about me is that I love cats,” Leigh states, “but I hate the colour blue. Watching Avatar was, for me, like watching a really cute baby being drowned. I wanted to see the baby, I just didn’t want to see him die”.
With the highly secretive production already three weeks in, cast details are slowly being revealed with none other than Adam Woodyatt (aka Ian Beale from Eastenders) taking over from Sam Worthington as Jake Sully.
“It’s about time someone saw the potential in Ian. And I’m the man to show it to the world” Mike boldly claimed. “Over 1,000 episodes of ‘Enders including that monumetnal doof doof when he found out he was losing the chippy, made him the perfect choice.”
It’s thought that the Salford born director will forgo the 3-D aspect for something much more realistic, including Adam Woodyatt sitting in every showing giving an actor’s commentary. The limited run of shows will end with Mr. Woodyatt pooping himself live on stage.
Happy April the 1st Everyone!
