Like Nostradmus and George Orwell before me, I predicted, and events shaped themselves around my words of wisdom. With my BAFTA’s drinking game (written coincidentally whilst under the influence of lighter fluid) I set out a checklist of things that vexed me about these particular Awards ceremony and lo and behold hardly any of them came true.
Now many will think that’s because my finger is firmly jammed up my butt-crack and not on the pulse, but actually the truth is Wossy and co. read my hilarious ‘article’ and had to change tack. Out were the jokes about John Terry and the BBC, in came ones about “3-D being like really real”. All thanks to me! Don’t believe me, how else do you explain the calibre of gags spewing forth from JR’s lips.
That’s not all though, I also predicted that BAFTA would reward our American Friends over the much more deserving British collective. What happens? The very British Carey Mulligan (I love her!) and the equally UK Colin Firth (I love him too!) win out as best actress and actor respectively. Upon reading my hilarious piece, the Acadamy met under cover of Adrien Brody’s nose and fixed the results to prove me wrong.
Nobody mentioned an Angelina Jolie adoption joke, nobody mentioned Haiti (although to be far they were ‘damned if they do, damned if they don’t’ with me on that one), I didn’t even hear an HIV/Obesity/Poverty/Down’s Syndrome/Illiteracy joke about Precious.
Thankfully, however we did see Mickey ‘Rocking’ Rourke asking the Stiff Upper Lipped audience whether they wanted him to “go bareback or wear a raincoat”. Ha! That the BBC left this little gem in, is either because they didn’t understand the connotation or the editor’s were still recovering from the Eastenders live episode. Either way it was the highlight of the evening. (Rumour has it, Carey Mulligan is now pregnant with Rourke’s baby having shared a stage with him for more than 10 seconds).
As for the big guns, Hurt Locker blew Avatar away taking Editing, Cinematography, Screenplay, Director, and most importantly, Best Film. The former being the much more grown-up film it didn’t stop the childishness of the cameramen shoving their steadicams in James Cameron’s face hoping to get some reaction of him losing to his ex-wife. The fact that they’re good friends and he has a combined box-office haul equivalent to our financial deficit should guarantee a fairly good nights rest for Jim.
That The Hurt Locker exploded Avatar (enough of the bomb puns now) is no indication that the Oscars will go the same way. If they don’t though us Brits will have bragging rights about how we chose the worthy winners for a good year at least. And isn’t that what Awards Ceremonies are about.
I will say that Jack Cardiff deserved more of a tribute than his two seconds though. Check out why he’s such a legend here.
Full BAFTA results
Winners denoted by *
BEST FILM
AVATAR – James Cameron, Jon Landau
AN EDUCATION – Finola Dwyer, Amanda Posey
* THE HURT LOCKER – Nominees TBC
PRECIOUS – Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness, Gary Magness
UP IN THE AIR- Ivan Reitman, Jason Reitman, Daniel Dubiecki
OUTSTANDING BRITISH FILM
AN EDUCATION- Finola Dwyer, Amanda Posey, Lone Scherfig, Nick Hornby
* FISH TANK – Kees Kasander, Nick Laws, Andrea Arnold
IN THE LOOP- Kevin Loader, Adam Tandy, Armando Iannucci, Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche
MOON – Stuart Fenegan, Trudie Styler, Duncan Jones, Nathan Parker
NOWHERE BOY – Robert Bernstein, Douglas Rae, Kevin Loader, Sam Taylor-Wood, Matt Greenhalgh
OUTSTANDING DEBUT BY A BRITISH WRITER, DIRECTOR OR PRODUCER
LUCY BAILEY, ANDREW THOMPSON, ELIZABETH MORGAN HEMLOCK, DAVID PEARSON – Directors, Producers – Mugabe and the White African
ERAN CREEVY – Writer/Director – Shifty
STUART HAZELDINE – Writer/Director – Exam
* DUNCAN JONES – Director – Moon
SAM TAYLOR-WOOD – Director – Nowhere Boy
DIRECTOR
AVATAR – James Cameron
DISTRICT 9 – Neill Blomkamp
AN EDUCATION – Lone Scherfig
* THE HURT LOCKER – Kathryn Bigelow
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Quentin Tarantino
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
THE HANGOVER – Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
* THE HURT LOCKER – Mark Boal
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Quentin Tarantino
A SERIOUS MAN – Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
UP – Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
DISTRICT 9 – Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell
AN EDUCATION – Nick Hornby
IN THE LOOP – Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE – Geoffrey Fletcher
* UP IN THE AIR – Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner
FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
BROKEN EMBRACES – Agustín Almodóvar, Pedro Almodóvar
COCO BEFORE CHANEL – Carole Scotta, Caroline Benjo, Philippe Carcassonne, Anne Fontaine
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN – Carl Molinder, John Nordling, Tomas Alfredson
* A PROPHET – Pascal Caucheteux, Marco Cherqui, Alix Raynaud, Jacques Audiard
THE WHITE RIBBON – Stefan Arndt, Veit Heiduschka, Margaret Menegoz, Michael Haneke
ANIMATED FILM
CORALINE – Henry Selick
FANTASTIC MR FOX – Wes Anderson
* UP – Pete Docter
LEADING ACTOR
JEFF BRIDGES – Crazy Heart
GEORGE CLOONEY – Up in the Air
* COLIN FIRTH – A Single Man
JEREMY RENNER – The Hurt Locker
ANDY SERKIS – Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll
LEADING ACTRESS
* CAREY MULLIGAN – An Education
SAOIRSE RONAN – The Lovely Bones
GABOUREY SIDIBE – Precious
MERYL STREEP – Julie & Julia
AUDREY TAUTOU – Coco Before Chanel
SUPPORTING ACTOR
ALEC BALDWIN – It’s Complicated
CHRISTIAN McKAY – Me and Orson Welles
ALFRED MOLINA – An Education
STANLEY TUCCI – The Lovely Bones
* CHRISTOPH WALTZ – Inglourious Basterds
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
ANNE-MARIE DUFF – Nowhere Boy
VERA FARMIGA – Up in the Air
ANNA KENDRICK – Up in the Air
* MO’NIQUE – Precious
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – Nowhere Boy
MUSIC
AVATAR – James Horner
CRAZY HEART – T-Bone Burnett, Stephen Bruton
FANTASTIC MR FOX – Alexandre Desplat
SEX & DRUGS & ROCK & ROLL – Chaz Jankel
* UP – Michael Giacchino
CINEMATOGRAPHY
AVATAR – Mauro Fiore
DISTRICT 9 – Trent Opaloch
* THE HURT LOCKER – Barry Ackroyd
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Robert Richardson
THE ROAD – Javier Aguirresarobe
EDITING
AVATAR – Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua, James Cameron
DISTRICT 9 – Julian Clarke
* THE HURT LOCKER – Bob Murawski, Chris Innis
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – Sally Menke
UP IN THE AIR – Dana E. Glauberman
PRODUCTION DESIGN
* AVATAR – Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
DISTRICT 9 – Philip Ivey, Guy Potgieter
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE – Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS – Dave Warren, Anastasia Masaro, Caroline Smith
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – David Wasco, Sandy Reynolds Wasco
COSTUME DESIGN
* BRIGHT STAR – Janet Patterson
COCO BEFORE CHANEL – Catherine Leterrier
AN EDUCATION – Odile Dicks-Mireaux
A SINGLE MAN – Arianne Phillips
THE YOUNG VICTORIA – Sandy Powell
SOUND
AVATAR – Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson, Tony Johnson, Addison Teague
DISTRICT 9 – Brent Burge, Chris Ward, Dave Whitehead, Michael Hedges, Ken Saville
* THE HURT LOCKER – Ray Beckett, Paul N. J. Ottosson
STAR TREK – Peter J. Devlin, Andy Nelson, Anna Behlmer, Mark Stoeckinger, Ben Burtt
UP – Tom Myers, Michael Silvers, Michael Semanick
SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS
* AVATAR – Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham, Andrew R. Jones
DISTRICT 9 – Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros, Matt Aitken
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE – John Richardson, Tim Burke, Tim Alexander, Nicolas Aithadi
THE HURT LOCKER – Richard Stutsman
STAR TREK – Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh, Burt Dalton
MAKE UP & HAIR
COCO BEFORE CHANEL – Thi Thanh Tu Nguyen, Jane Milon, Madeleine Cofano
AN EDUCATION – Lizzie Yianni Georgiou
THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS – Sarah Monzani
NINE – Peter Swords King
* THE YOUNG VICTORIA – Jenny Shircore
SHORT ANIMATION
THE GRUFFALO – Michael Rose, Martin Pope, Jakob Schuh, Max Lang
THE HAPPY DUCKLING – Gili Dolev
* MOTHER OF MANY – Sally Arthur, Emma Lazenby
SHORT FILM
14 – Asitha Ameresekere
* I DO AIR – James Bolton, Martina Amati
JADE – Samm Haillay, Daniel Elliott
MIXTAPE – Luti Fagbenle, Luke Snellin
OFF SEASON – Jacob Jaffke, Jonathan van Tulleken
ORANGE RISING STAR AWARD
JESSE EISENBERG
NICHOLAS HOUL
CAREY MULLIGAN
TAHAR RAHIM
* KRISTEN STEWART
OUTSTANDING BRITISH CONTRIBUTION TO CINEMA
Joe Dunton
ACADEMY FELLOWSHIP
Vanessa Redgrave
