This Sunday sees the annual ‘We Love America More Than Ourselves’ Awards for outstanding contributions to the world of cinema. Or the Baftas for short.
In honour of this wonderfully British mentality of putting ourselves in second place (see also the Brits) here’s a fun game for all the family to play come the 21st of February.
1) First up, drink a shot of your choice in rememberance of what a great host Stephen Fry was. Take another when you remember how fawning Jonathan Ross was to all the audience members on his chatshow, talented or otherwise.
2) Drink a Bailey’s if you find yourself IMdb-ing Saoirse Ronan’s age. Then take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. You dirty, dirty thing.
3) Donate 10p to charity every time someone mentions Haiti. Donate £100 if no-one does because, after all, it hasn’t been in the news for weeks.
4) Punch yourself in the face if Jonathan Ross mentions his ‘relationship’ with the BBC. Punch Jonathan Ross in the face if he mentions the ‘Russel Brand controversy’.
5) In honour of ‘Withnail’ down a mug of lighter fluid for every British winner not in an exclusively British category.
6) Down a grape soda and vodka if anyone makes an HIV, poverty, incest, down-syndrome, abuse, illiteracy, paedophillic, obesity or race joke about Precious. Yes that film actually contains all of those things.
7) Throw a pint of shit at the screen for every Angelina Jolie/adoption joke.
Down a bottle of white wine, then a bottle of red wine, then a bottle of white wine if Carey Mulligan doesn’t win the Orange Rising Star award. NB. An American friend of mine actually did this whilst we watched all three Terminator films back to back, one bottle for each film. Two things struck me as funny about this. One, the arrogance of him being sure that he could not ever getting in the way of whether or not he should. Two, that he saved the red wine for T2, because, and I quote, “Terminator 2 is a classier affair.”
9) Down a tequila for every time the camera cuts to an American not getting the joke that the host makes. Make it a double if it’s a shit John Terry joke.
10) Drink your own piss if you manage to listen to every word that the Outstanding Achievement winner says without passing out.
There you have it, a perfect night in for you and the kids.
Remember drink responsibly.